Some Israel jokes...
Joke 1:
The Prime Minister of Israel sits down with Arafat for the beginning of negotiations regarding the resolution of the Middle Eastern conflict. The Prime Minister requests that he be allowed to begin with a story. Arafat replies, "Of course." he Prime Minister begins: "Years before the Israelites came to the Promised Land and settled here, Moses led them through the desert for 40 years. The Israelites began complaining that they were thirsty. Lo and behold, a miracle occurred and a stream appeared before them. They drank their fill and then decided to take advantage of the stream to do some bathing -- including Moses. When Moses came out of the water, he found that all his clothing was missing". "Who took my clothes?" Moses asked those around him. "It was the Palestinians," replied the Israelites. Wait a minute," objected Arafat immediately, "there were no Palestinians during the time of Moses!" "All right," replies the Prime Minister, "Now that we've got that settled, let's begin our negotiations."
Joke 2:
Top ten reasons Arafat should have been a minister of Israel
10) World famous personality
9) 1994 Nobel peace prize winner.
8) He fought in all of Israel's wars.
7) He won't draft Haredim to the army.
6) Has the respect of the European community.
5) Is not afraid to mix diplomacy with "other methods".
4) On good terms with premiers of all neighboring countries.
3) His government doesn't have problems passing a budget.
2) Doesn't compromise on important issues.
And the number one reason....
1) He will never, ever, split or divide Jerusalem.
Israeli Driving Tips!
Taken from the April 2002 Issue of HeChalutzon
1. Turn Signals will give away your next move: a real Israeli never uses them.
2. The faster you speed through a red light the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
3. Because of #2 never take a green light at face value.
4. Always look right and left before preceding.
5. Speed limits in Israel are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are seemingly not enforceable.
6. As with speed limits, stops signs are rarely acknowledged. No one expects a driver to come to a complete stop at a stop sign: doing so may result in serious damage to the rear of your car.
7.A real Israeli driver can use 2 cell phones, argue with a passenger in the back seat, flip off the driver next to him while going 80 miles per hour, all at the same time.
8.Always remember, the goal of every Israeli driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
